Women Are Just as Much to Blame as Men

by JustSomeGirl on November 4, 2014 - 9:20pm

Why is it that men are expected and taught from early ages not to show any emotion? If he is sad, suck it up, if he is in love, it's probably with his brain down south and not his actually heart and feelings because that's "so gay" and guys are not supposed to fall for a girl they're supposed to "smash her" and make his buddies proud, he has to pretty much be a brick wall. Yet, women, generally speaking, always say they like a man who shows emotion and shows what he truly feels and wants and will cry in front of us when something’s bothering him. But when he does do that, show us his feelings or cry, the first thing coming out of our mouth is "what kind of a faggot is he, crying like a little girl? I won't even bother because he's being so gay right now it’s embarrassing” or something along those lines. Women, even if we do not notice or admit that we do this, do, do this much more often than we should.
 
As much as it is men and boys in general, from ages as young as five, who are being taught not to show emotion and become conditioned to believing that this is the way "men" are supposed to be, women are conditioned to believe it as well (sorry to break it to you girls). This "man box" is not only something men police, but something women do as well. We have this guy right there under our nose, which is everything we say we want, shows emotion and is not afraid to cry in front of us or tell us what is on their mind, but we suddenly find it “not manly enough”. Women expect men to be strong, powerful, successful, good looking, charming, tough, sexy, and, but has to pretty much act like an asshole, for him to be “dateable”. Personally, if a man is good looking but acts like an asshole, it is completely ruined for me.
 
What everyone in general doesn’t realize is by making these men “man-box” men, we are ruining them, and doing so so so much more damage to them than we think. In past classes we have been talking about masculinity and what over time has been described as a man and what you as a man have to do to fit in. Being emotionless and keeping all your feelings in is one of the things among being successful, good looking, powerful, strong etc… These men are becoming more and more depressed, due to the simple fact that they cannot speak their minds and how they feel for the fear of being looked upon and called names such as “gay, faggot, a little girl, a wuss” or “a pussy”. At young ages, they feel like they have no one to turn too, not even their fathers who are supposed to be there for them as guides through their young preteen, pre-adult years, paving their futures; for the fear that they will tell them to man up and grow a pair cause they are acting worse than their 7 year old sister who didn’t get her Barbie doll for Christmas. These men who are supposed to be shaping the men of our future are making them become everything they should not be! 
 
We we should just start letting men act however they'd like, and not teaching them to become this ideal "man-box" man.
 
 
 
 

Comments

My reason for responding to this post is your title, it drew me in, I was wondering what it could be that women are just as much to blame as men. I must say i agree with the fact that women do put a title on men too quick and seem to always have this large expectation of large, masculine, emotionless men. But not all women are the same. Personally, I think that it is the media that creates these false expectations, we always see on television or in magazines these large and unrealistic ideas of men. I mean, look around, i don't see men like that everywhere or well really anywhere i go, except the gym. Yes it is unfortunate haha.
So when reality hits these unrealistic women, it is not what they want.
I don't know about any other girls, but i don't mind seeing a man cry, or being upset or talk about his emotions, i mean damn that hard to find now. If a women is saying "oh he's s wuss, what a baby" (etc) then obviously its her who is the issue, so i definitely agree with you on that part. Women need to get over themselves.
Men are humans too, they need to let emotion out just as much as women do.
So to conclude, it is not only women who are to blame, it is society; the media, women, and even men, be real, don't be what anybody else wants you to be or thinks of you.

-Michelle

The title of this post is what caught my attention because I never really thought about how women are to blame when it comes to sexism. I agree that there is a lot of stereotypes when it comes to being a man, especially those you mentioned, but why would women be blamed for that? I see where you're coming from but you're overgeneralizing. When most women say that they want a nice guy, they truly do want a nice guy. It's only men who believe they need to be an asshole to be able to get a date. I have personally yet to meet a girl/woman who calls a man a "fag" or a wuss or a baby because he shows emotions. Now, you may personally think that but that doesn't mean all women do. In fact, a lot of women don't. Women want a man who can open up and show that they are human. As the person above me mentioned, it is the media and the society we live in that portrays these kinds of stereotypes for men as well as women. It's not women who should be blamed for the stereotypes that come with men and men shouldn't be blamed for the stereotypes that come with women. As children, both girls and boys are conditioned to act a certain way, to look a certain way, to feel a certain way simply because of what they see in the media, the shows they watch, and the way their friends act. Sexism and gender stereotypes are all portrayed in the media as well as the way you were raised. If your parents believed that men had to be stronger, more dominate, then that's the way you will think, probably for the rest of your life. Saying a gender should be blamed for something they don't have any control over is like saying a person of colour should be blamed for racism. Both men and women are victims of sexism just like people of colour are victims of racism and from what I understand in regards to your post; you're essentially blaming the victim. Where are we going with blaming people for other people's mistakes? How is blaming the victim any good for future generations? I don't think we're going to go any further as a society if we simply point fingers at people and blame them.

Your title drew me and Yes, it is true that like men, woman can also put standards on a man that we simply sometimes cannot live up to as well as I agree with the stereotypes that are brought upon men to follow, it seems like this "Man-Box that we were taught as little children have been passed down from generation to generation, and it doesn't look like it's going to change any time soon because unfortunately for a man, This is what the people want, and yes I find it completely wrong that these are the standards we have to live in but until someone steps up and says enough is enough it's never going to change, if you think about it, this has been going on for so long, and it has always been a man is tough, strong, fearless, emotionless and so on , Should it stop? yes, will it stop? that's something that In my opinion we wont see in our lifetime

I totally agree with your reasoning and that is the reason for my posting. Men do have a lot of pressure coming from women, and it is often confusing! As you mentioned, women want us to be strong, charming, loving, sexy, successful and so on. The same goes for women. Men nowadays have so many expectations for their perfect mate. They have to be fit, good looking, non-jealous and so much more. I believe that no one is to blame but society. The reason we act this way is because of society! People think that they are living in a fairy tale, or in a movie. Where everything is perfect and therefore we raise our expectations towards our partner.
We all want that perfect looking partner from the movies. But the reality is that life is not like that. I believe that with all of these expectations, we all become confused in who we really want to be. On one side, you want to be the person that your partner wants you to be. That is sexy, charming, successful, strong and so on. But on the other side, you want to be yourself without having the pressure of wondering what your partner is really thinking about you. If they appreciate you for who you are, of for what they want you to be.
So it really goes both ways, people need to realize that life isn't a movie, and that nothing is perfect. People need to accept that everybody has flaws, and that everybody has emotions Whether you are a girl, or a boy.

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